In the previous chapter, Absalom murdered Amnon out of vengeance for his half-sister Tamar, whom Amnon had raped. Then, thinking he would be pursued for his crime, Absalom fled to a place called Geshur, where he remained in exile away from his father King David for 3 years. Meanwhile, David longed for Absalom with fatherly love, although he made no attempts to bring his son back… until Joab’s action in chapter 14.
In persuading David to bring Absalom back, why did Joab choose such an unusual, indirect method: telling a wise woman to pretend to be a mourning widow, pleading to David for the life of her murderous son whose actions resembled Absalom’s? Effectively, the widow told David a parable that enabled David’s response to convict himself (2 Sam 14:13). Does this sound familiar? (2 Sam 12:1-7)
Here, I see the wisdom of Joab. He was not a perfect individual; he had ever acted against David’s will out of vengeance and murderous intent (2 Sam 3:26-29). Yet Joab was sensitive enough to know his king’s unspoken desire (2 Sam 14:1). Joab was also sharp enough to sense that his king might not accept his direct persuasion, as he saw the king’s emotional dilemma, or perhaps he realised David’s bad impression of him due to his past actions. Regardless, Joab’s indirect method was successful and accepted by David, who granted Joab’s request to bring Absalom back.
Another moment of wisdom seen in this chapter is found in the words of the wise woman as she advised David.
In 2 Samuel 14:14, the woman offered David an alternative perspective of his emotional dilemma: that while he might be torn between his role as a father (to love Absalom) and his duty as a king (to judge Absalom), David was reminded that God is the ultimate Judge who determines our destiny and ending, including Absalom’s. No purpose of God’s can be thwarted (Job 42:2).
Then, in 2 Samuel 14:17 and 2 Samuel 14:20, the woman reminded David that as God’s anointed king, he is like the angel of God – a minister of God who had authority and wisdom from God, along with His abidance. All David needed to do was to wholeheartedly entrust his difficult feelings and decision to God, instead of leaning on his own understanding and emotions (Proverbs 21:1; 3:5). Thus, with the wise woman’s words, David was able to move forward in his dilemma.
In contrast to Joab and the woman’s relational wisdom, Absalom was brash upon his return from exile – burning Joab’s field when Joab did not answer his call twice and demanding to see David against his will, while daring his father to kill him. In Absalom, I see pride and foolishness going hand in hand (Proverbs 14:9), especially when I think about his ending (2 Samuel 18:14-15).
May we learn from Joab and the woman’s wisdom, while steering ourselves away from Absalom’s foolishness.
Reflection questions
In our interpersonal relationships, how sensitive are we to the needs of others?
Do we tend to express our concern, or render help, in ways that are not beneficial for the other person?
Who are the people in our lives that need good, fitly spoken words from us? (Prov 25:11; 12:25) Have we reached out to them?
If we lack wisdom in these areas, let us humbly ask of God, who gives generously to all without reproaching us for our inadequacy (Jas 1:5). God, who knows all human hearts, can and will teach us how to love, in the best way.
